Syd Rinq

Landscaper/Rock Magician

Syd, the Landscaper

Professional Hobbit. Certified Rock Whisperer. Lawn’s Best Friend.

Deep in the mossy glades where GPS signals dare not tread, dwells Syd, a rare breed of landscaper descended from a long line of hobbits who once landscaped the Shire with nothing but a trowel and a dream. Syd doesn’t “mow lawns” — he communes with them. Shrubs lean in when he walks by. Deer follow him for inspiration.

With feet toughened by centuries (or at least several seasons) of barefoot pruning, Syd prefers to work at dawn, when the grass still remembers its dreams. He’s been known to disappear into a hedge for days, only to return with a perfectly hand-sculpted topiary of Gandalf mid-sneeze.

But Syd’s true gift lies in rock whispering. Where others see a boring chunk of granite, Syd hears ancient secrets. He’s convinced at least one boulder to move three feet to the left out of sheer persuasion. Entire retaining walls have shifted into alignment with a gentle murmur from Syd and a well-placed flute solo.

Clients describe him as “mysterious,” “possibly immortal,” and “the only person who’s ever made my yard feel emotionally fulfilled.”

He’s not available by phone. You must summon him by placing three river stones in a triangle, whispering “mulch” into the wind, and waiting for the smell of lavender and pipe smoke.