Matt Eagle

Director of Public Works

[CONFIDENTIAL DOSSIER: MATT EAGLE]

File #8743-∆R3
Subject: Matthew “Matt” Eagle
Title: Director of Public Works
Security Clearance: Unknown
Authorized Access: LEVEL 5 and above only

“You don’t find Matt Eagle. Matt Eagle finds you.”
— Internal memo, Department of Transportation, 2019

PERSONAL DATA

• Date of Birth: [REDACTED]
• Place of Origin: Unknown (Last known address is just listed as “near a creek”)
• Height: 6'0" (est.)
• Weight: Inconclusive
• Known Aliases:
  • “The Surveyor”
  • “Mr. Infrastructure”
  • “The Guy in the Orange Vest”
  • “M.E.”

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

Matt Eagle assumed his position as Director of Public Works following a council vote that no one remembers holding.

No prior résumé, diploma, or job interview was located in public records.

His personnel file contains 47 pages—46 of which are blank except for:

• Faint outlines of traffic cones
• An unexplained receipt for 300 lbs. of gravel

He does not speak at staff meetings.

Instead, he slides a manila envelope across the table and vanishes before anyone can ask follow-up questions.

Once, during a power outage, his office remained lit. No one could explain how.

INCIDENT REPORTS

• 06/14/20 — Repaired entire sewer grid in under 4 hours during a full moon.
  Witnesses described hearing “Gregorian chants” from the manholes.

• 08/22/21 — Unauthorized but flawless pedestrian overpass appeared overnight.
  Blueprints found in City Hall basement with note: “You’re welcome. – M”

• 01/05/22 — Was seen standing motionless in the park for 3 hours.
  Later that day, all benches spontaneously realigned for optimal shade coverage.

ADDITIONAL NOTES

• Immune to poison ivy
• Speaks fluent Morse code through blinking (confirmed by intern)
• Carries a compass that always points toward municipal efficiency
• File contains a single audio log titled “The Pavement Whispers”
  • Self-erases upon playback

RECOMMENDATION

Maintain current position. Do not interfere.

Do not attempt surveillance — last team sent to observe reported “elevated sense of purpose” and now all work in landscaping.

If you need something built, repaired, or mysteriously improved…

Leave a traffic cone facing due north and wait.